Dearest Readers,As we move into this new year, 1968, let us strive to make our lives less complicated and hectic. So often we don't stop and smell the roses during our daily grind. We only stop to smell the stench of a dead next door neighbor who passed away in their apartment and was not found for a week. Here are a few tips on putting a spring in your step this new year.
1. Instead of complaining about the stupidity of people, become one of them. Simple things like never having the correct change at a toll plaza or writing a check from an out of state bank with no proper identification in the express lane at the grocery store are little things that you can do to annoy other people.
2. Find a quiet spot in the city where you can go and scream at the top of your lungs. This really helps relieve tension but be mindful that this can also sound like a distress call for help. Try doing it in the nude. This will really "set you free".
3. Run over a small child.
4. Run over a nun.
5. Find a Catholic school and accomplish 3 & 4 at one time.
6. Do something special for yourself. Take yourself out for dinner and splurge on a bottle of their best champagne. Have another...and another. You'll be having a wonderful conversation with yourself in no time. Who needs a dinner companion when you can talk to yourself all evening until the waiter gets a police officer to escort you out.
7. Make new friends in jail. you would be surprised at the many stories there are out there in the exciting world of prostitution and pandering.
8. Always carry enough cash on you to make bail.
9. Call up an old friend or relative.
10. Remember that life is what you make of it. It can either be a fine wine or a shit sandwich. Which one are you going to order?
1 comment:
Make mine a fine white wine, Helen! Cheers, darling!
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