The Recession Is Real: Joan Collins Shops At Target

The Recession Is Real: Joan Collins Shops At Target

Pretty Women

Bye Bye Miss American Style

The Liberace Museum in Las Vegas will close it's doors next month after decades of showcasing the elaborate threads, jewelry, cars, pianos and candelabras of the man known as "Mr. Showmanship". The extravagant pianist, who died of AIDS in 1987, was one of the highest paid entertainers in the world at one time. The question now on every faggots lips is, "Girl, what are they gonna do with all of that queen's shit?"Today's gay hipster doofus20 somethings are more than likely unaware that Liberace paved the way for glitter, glamour and razzle dazzle as well as pioneering the outrages stage costume long before the likes of Lady Gag Gag and her meat dress. He was making entrances on stage in 20ft. long white fox fur coats lined in 400,000 crystals and solid rhinestone studded Rolls Royces. Even Cher pales in comparison when it comes to costume changes. Lee as he was known in my social group made 6 or 7 outfit changes during a single dinner party. Many of these ensembles, along with his home furnishing that make Buckingham Palace look like skid row will undoubtably go on the auction block. If you are in the market for a solid mosaic mirror tiled Steinway or a rainbow satin and rhinestone smoking jacket this could be a golden opportunity. Maybe Ga Ga could pick up a few pointers on trash with class from Mr. Showmanship and I can pick up a few solid gold dildos and rhinestone studded enema bags.

In These Shoes?

http://jezebel.com/5638706/ambushed-fashionistas-tell-us-how-much-their-shoes-cost

Good News! Nicole Kidman Can Still Move Her Face

Fashion Weak.

I truly love fashion. Some of my best moments on stage were created by the costume designer....well them or the bottle of scotch I keep in my wooden leg. Clothes do make the woman and the man and I take advantage of every moment I get to spend with a designer. I am great friends with many of the greats....Pucci, Halston, Lillian Vernon......All special and talented in their particular styles. Pucci loves color, Courreges loves line, and Halston loves black dick. I personally am partial to Oscar de la Hoya. His cuts really flatter the female form and yet still evoke a feeling of shear boredom which is so important in the entertainment field.












Call me old fashion Dearest Reader but after sitting front row at many of the shows during Mercedes Benz Fashion Week here in NYC, I couldn't help thinking.....would anyone notice if I vomited into my Hermes' bag? Don't get me wrong. I love forward fashion as much as the next modern gal but let's face it, this  is why retailers are selling sweaters 10 for a dollar. I wouldn't give you 10 cents for this crap. Wouldn't you love to be a part of the international set and arrive in Canne wearing a diaper, some hazard tape, a jump rope and blood splattered wedgies?Or maybe your man comes to pick you up for a night on the town wearing a jock strap, garters, a bathrobe and a 17th century neck tie.

Still Dead...

Actor Anthony Perkins. Perkins died at age 60, on September 12, 1992, from complications of AIDS. He was cremated, and his ashes were given to his family.

His widow, Berry Berenson, was killed on American Airlines Flight 11 during the September 11 attacks in 2001, one day before the ninth anniversary of his death.

Joan Crawford In 1964's Della [Part 7 of 7]

Heaven b(part 2)

STARGARD ( WHICH WAY IS UP)

The Three Degrees - Maybe

Mosque Pitt

Are Brad and Angie terrorists?

It seems they took their Shaada( conversion to islam) yesterday in Namibia is this true. I also heard Indian American astronaut Sunita Williams converted to Islam. Michael Jackson also plans to do it. Dave chappele also converted to Islam. Is it true 30,000 American women convert to Islam each year. Why is everyone converting to Islam ?

I'm Back And I Still Smell Bad.

From The Desk Of Helen Lawson.


Dearest Readers,
   Please excuse my absence but I was doing my nails. I had no idea how much time had passed. One minute I was filing my pinky and the next thing I knew it, 7 months had gone by. My how time flies when there are toxic fumes in the air.
   When last we spoke I was beginning a new show based on the life of Abraham Lincoln's first wife, Tunella entitled, "Wood Choppin' Woman". Understandably it opened to mixed reviews and closed after 1 performance (and that was for an audience of mentally retarded children).  With musical numbers like, "Illinois Is My Kinda' Noise" and " Log Cabin Lullaby" it was destined to be a flop. My co-star, Jim J. Bullock as Honest Abe, brought a new light to Mr. Lincoln. Flouncy and foppish, his mincing around the stage and lisping delivery really sent home the message that Abe was all man. Also kudos went to Dr. Joyce Brothers magnificent libretto and the music of Shields and Yarnell. Costumes by the talented Mr. Phyllis and a set by PS 151 topped off the roster of talent. So sad that all of that hard work went down the shitter.
   Well Reader, I must scoot off to rehearsal for my NEW show "Feelin' It!" A musical cavalcade of songs and dance numbers that are sure to wow the crowd as well as the critics. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for being patient and I promise to forget about this in the morning.

Sincerely, Helen Lawson

Barracuda!

Whoa Nelly!

A Very Shallow Gene Pool

Contestants in the Little Miss Years Of Therapy Pageant.

I will be taking a short break from my writing to do research on an article. I will be, however posting on Facebook and will alert you as to my bloggy return. Thank you, Helen Lawson

Helen's Hit Pick Of The Day!

"After a hard day at the office I like to......."

Still Dead.....20 Years Today.

After a lifetime of smoking, Gardner suffered from emphysema, in addition to an autoimmune disorder (which may have been lupus). Two strokes in 1986 left her partially paralyzed and bedridden. Although Gardner could afford her medical expenses, Sinatra wanted to pay for her to visit a specialist in the United States, and she allowed him to make the arrangements for a medically-staffed private plane. Her last words (to her housekeeper Carmen), were reportedly, "I'm so tired", before she died of pneumonia at the age of 67. After her death, Sinatra's daughter Tina found him slumped in his room, crying, and unable to speak.^[6]

Gardner was not only the love of his life but also the inspiration for one of his most personal songs, "I'm a Fool to Want You", which Sinatra (who received a co-writing credit for the song) recorded twice, toward the end of his contract with Columbia Records and during his years on Capitol Records. ("It was Ava who taught him how to sing a torch song", Sinatra arranger Nelson Riddle was once quoted as saying.) It has been reported that Sinatra attended her funeral, due to the presence of a black limousine parked behind the crowd of 500 mourners. Instead, a hairstylist from Fayetteville, North Carolina had felt that a limousine was the only appropriate mode of transportation to Gardner's funeral. A floral arrangement at Gardner's graveside simply read: "With My Love, Francis".

Good Lord, Heather!

My Wooly Nelson

My Burning Questions....

Dearest Readers,
I know that many of you are curious about my past and that's understandable. I am a complex woman with a complex life and a history that would make even the straightest of men's assholes pucker with delight. I've taken a few hits, made a few errors, even scored some home runs. I've laid a few bricks and I've burned a few bridges but I always come out on top. But the biggest mystery seems to be my litany of husbands. I've married for love and I've married for "like". Some were famous and some were famous for being my husband. But all of them were extraordinary lovers...or at least were after I got through with them. Ladies, the next time your lover takes a shit on your tits and then writes his name in it, you can thank me. I taught a lot of men a lot of moves and the world is a happier place because of it.
   My first husband could be described as a man's man. Not the best lookin' guy on the block, a bit short and lacking in the hair department. We met at a screening in Hollywood of my first film, " Dragon Woman". His was the feature before mine and they were leaving as we were entering the small studio theater. I'm not sure what it was but when we locked eyes there was an energy that was palpable even to the execs. around us. Someone said as we passed, "Wow..did you feel the chemistry between those two?" I asked around and was told that he was part of Warner's new comedy duo and was quite the ladies man. My agent set up a dinner and we met officially. He was even hotter than I remembered and reeked of sex, masculine, sweaty, bone numbing, cum soaked sex. Within minutes we were entwined under the table and fucking and frolicking like young rabbits. We met every night at that same restaurant for 3 weeks until they asked us not to come back. 6 months later he proposed and we set a date. I planned a glorious wedding with many friends and family in attendance and even though I found most of his family one dimensional and off color, we managed and had a great marriage for a year until I found out of his many affairs and extracurricular activities. We divorced and went our separate ways. Ocassionally, I will see him on saturday mornings in the park but we don't speak. I am no longer Mrs. Elmer Fudd.

Olan Mills Must Be Stopped.

A Girl Has To Start Somewhere....

And They're Off.....

Helen's Hit Pick Of The Day!

"I'm Hungry, Let's Eat Grampa!"

Muskrat Love

GOLDEN HILL, MD. — Contestant No. 1 sashayed down the catwalk, her hair bouncing in blonde curls, and smiled a radiant beauty-queen smile. She picked up a furry dead rodent about the size of a football.

Then she took out a very sharp four-inch blade and stuck the point in just above the animal's tail.

"Then," she said, narrating the incision as sweetly as a Miss America contestant talking about world peace, "you're going to want to take your knife ... "

This was the "talent" portion of the 2008 Miss Outdoors pageant, part of an improbable Eastern Shore festival that combines the worlds of beauty contests and competitive muskrat skinning.

For years here, young women have paraded in glittery evening gowns, and then — on the same stage — skinners in camouflage hats have separated small animals from their pelts.

Hot For Retards

Is That All There Is?

Singer Peggy Lee died on this date 8 years ago at he age of 81. Cause of death was boredom.

Hot Pants...You're Wearin' Me Out!

...and S T R E T C H ......

OOPS!

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