If today is your birthday: Congratulations! You're one step closer to the grave!Capricorn: Your stubbornness will pay off today so go out an audition for that lousy part in that crappy movie.
Aquarius: Get me a drink.
Pisces: Fire up the douche bag...your pussy stinks.
Aries: Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down today!
Taurus: Send a hate letter to someone you love....mix it up a bit.
Gemini: I can't even deal with you two today.
Cancer: Fine tune your nasty attitude by farting in a full elevator.
Leo: See Aquarius
Virgo: Get laid today!
Libra: Enough already! Make up your mind.
Scorpio: Show off that new hairdo by setting it on fire.
Sagittarius: Shoot that poison arrow in my heart, heart, heart....
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