A Note From Helen.....

Dearest Reader,I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you for your support and kindness during my recent misfortune regarding the loss of my beloved friend and confidant.....my wig. Anyone who has ever had a personal relationship with a synthetic or human hair piece is sure to understand the grief and despair when it comes to accepting the facts surrounding a wig related transgression but the facts are in and the truth is ......my wig has left me for another woman. Tears stream down my face as I write and remember the good and bad times that we shared. The ups, the downs, the ons, and the offs. I still cringe when I think of it's chin strap and flexi-cord caressing the neck of a stranger or clinging to the head of a shameless nobody. How will I erase the memories of the countless shared experiences and adventures. Life will not be the same.We met in a little bistro in Brooklyn Heights in the early sixties. I, in what I thought was the twilight of my career, It.... a young up and comer. We started talking over cocktails. I said I liked It's style. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were sharing a cab back to my Manhattan apartment. I don't even remember what I was doing in Brooklyn Heights.....perhaps I was visiting Patty and her cousin Cathy who's lived most everywhere from Zanzibar to Barkley Square.....but for whatever reason fate had brought us together and fate would keep us together for many years.Our most publicized incident involved a rather vulgar display of jealousy and rage. Of course I am referring to Neely O'Hara's vicious attack in a ladies lounge after the theatre. Her attempt to flush my friend down the toilet and embarrass both It and me was the beginning of the end. After that, I would come home to find my wig drunk and passed out on the bathroom floor. Or, on more than one occasion It would become belligerent in front of friends at dinner and storm out into the oncoming traffic. We tried rehabilitation at Mr. Ray's Wig World but It refused to hold a set or any backcombing. It was becoming clearer to me that something else was terribly wrong besides the drinking. We were headed for trouble.2 weeks ago I received an anonymous letter telling me of my wigs extra-hair-ital affair. I wish I could say, Dearest Reader that I was surprised but I wasn't. I flew into a jealous rage and threw all of Its wig heads and styling products out the window onto the street below. I drank heavily and made prank phone calls. I even paid for strange wigs to visit my home and service me. Yes, I am not proud but a desperate woman knows no shame.I have started seeing other wigs on occasion but nothing serious. Several have professed love but it's too soon. I'm not ready for a commitment. Besides, who knows? Perhaps It will come back to me begging for forgiveness. I'm not made of wood...well most of me isn't. I have a relationship with a prosthetic leg but that's another story for another time.So thank you, Dearest Reader for being there for me. I will strive through my writing to move on to bigger and better things because I'm Helen Lawson, and the only thing that comes out on top in a Helen Lawson relationship is Helen Lawson and that's me baby, REMEMBER?