Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Still Dead.....20 Years Today.
After a lifetime of smoking, Gardner suffered from emphysema, in addition to an autoimmune disorder (which may have been lupus). Two strokes in 1986 left her partially paralyzed and bedridden. Although Gardner could afford her medical expenses, Sinatra wanted to pay for her to visit a specialist in the United States, and she allowed him to make the arrangements for a medically-staffed private plane. Her last words (to her housekeeper Carmen), were reportedly, "I'm so tired", before she died of pneumonia at the age of 67. After her death, Sinatra's daughter Tina found him slumped in his room, crying, and unable to speak.[6]
Gardner was not only the love of his life but also the inspiration for one of his most personal songs, "I'm a Fool to Want You", which Sinatra (who received a co-writing credit for the song) recorded twice, toward the end of his contract with Columbia Records and during his years on Capitol Records. ("It was Ava who taught him how to sing a torch song", Sinatra arranger Nelson Riddle was once quoted as saying.) It has been reported that Sinatra attended her funeral, due to the presence of a black limousine parked behind the crowd of 500 mourners. Instead, a hairstylist from Fayetteville, North Carolina had felt that a limousine was the only appropriate mode of transportation to Gardner's funeral. A floral arrangement at Gardner's graveside simply read: "With My Love, Francis".
Sunday, January 24, 2010
My Burning Questions....
I know that many of you are curious about my past and that's understandable. I am a complex woman with a complex life and a history that would make even the straightest of men's assholes pucker with delight. I've taken a few hits, made a few errors, even scored some home runs. I've laid a few bricks and I've burned a few bridges but I always come out on top. But the biggest mystery seems to be my litany of husbands. I've married for love and I've married for "like". Some were famous and some were famous for being my husband. But all of them were extraordinary lovers...or at least were after I got through with them. Ladies, the next time your lover takes a shit on your tits and then writes his name in it, you can thank me. I taught a lot of men a lot of moves and the world is a happier place because of it.
My first husband could be described as a man's man. Not the best lookin' guy on the block, a bit short and lacking in the hair department. We met at a screening in Hollywood of my first film, " Dragon Woman". His was the feature before mine and they were leaving as we were entering the small studio theater. I'm not sure what it was but when we locked eyes there was an energy that was palpable even to the execs. around us. Someone said as we passed, "Wow..did you feel the chemistry between those two?" I asked around and was told that he was part of Warner's new comedy duo and was quite the ladies man. My agent set up a dinner and we met officially. He was even hotter than I remembered and reeked of sex, masculine, sweaty, bone numbing, cum soaked sex. Within minutes we were entwined under the table and fucking and frolicking like young rabbits. We met every night at that same restaurant for 3 weeks until they asked us not to come back. 6 months later he proposed and we set a date. I planned a glorious wedding with many friends and family in attendance and even though I found most of his family one dimensional and off color, we managed and had a great marriage for a year until I found out of his many affairs and extracurricular activities. We divorced and went our separate ways. Ocassionally, I will see him on saturday mornings in the park but we don't speak. I am no longer Mrs. Elmer Fudd.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Muskrat Love
GOLDEN HILL, MD. — Contestant No. 1 sashayed down the catwalk, her hair bouncing in blonde curls, and smiled a radiant beauty-queen smile. She picked up a furry dead rodent about the size of a football.
Then she took out a very sharp four-inch blade and stuck the point in just above the animal's tail.
"Then," she said, narrating the incision as sweetly as a Miss America contestant talking about world peace, "you're going to want to take your knife ... "
This was the "talent" portion of the 2008 Miss Outdoors pageant, part of an improbable Eastern Shore festival that combines the worlds of beauty contests and competitive muskrat skinning.
For years here, young women have paraded in glittery evening gowns, and then — on the same stage — skinners in camouflage hats have separated small animals from their pelts.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Is That All There Is?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
What Price, Beauty?
Dearest Reader,
I have never thought of myself as a vain person and lord knows I've spent a dollar or two on beauty products that promise age defying results at premium prices. But did you know you can use regular household items and products to achieve the same results for just pennies? I would like to share my beauty on a budget tips with you and let you in on the Hollywood secrets to staying and looking younger and still have enough cash to spend on booze and bail.
1. Why spend money on expensive skin cleansers and facial scrubs when a brisk once over with Ajax and a hand sander does the job just as well.
2. Did you know that your dead batteries still hold the power to remove unwanted lines from around the eyes and mouth? Just break a discarded AA battery in half and rub around the eye and lip area. That burning says it's working.
3. A facial mask made from oatmeal, cherry gelatin, boiling water and Liquid Plumber will unclog any pores just as well as the expensive beauty brands. Apply generously with a heat resistant spautula and stand back and watch it work!
4. The neck area is always a problem. To keep skin firm and tight, try clamping the excess skin in the back with common clothes pins or C-clamps. A turtle neck will cover and give-a-way lumps or bumps.
5. Did you know that not only does beer make a great shampoo but other spirits such as vodka and scotch can find a place on the shelf in your shower.
Santa Maria! It Has A Mother!
The Big Death Valley
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Hedy's Dead
Monday, January 18, 2010
- Mariah Carey AKA Sag-agaweeah is packin' flap jacks under that top.
- Tina Fey is channeling her inner Mary Poopins in this. Comes with Nanny-brella.
- Drew Barrymore and her magical hedgehogs.
- Cloe 19seviony's inspired table linens. "She folded her napkin, Mr. Keller".
- Patricia "Always Wrong" Arquette in a dress that is at least 5 minutes old.
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